Changing the Bedtime Story: A Mindset Shift for Parents

Why Bedtime Feels So Hard

Because it is hard! Bedtime can be one of the most exhausting parts of parenting. After a long day, all you want is a little quiet time—but instead, you may find yourself navigating stalling, restlessness, and repeated requests for one more hug or sip of water. It’s completely understandable to feel drained or frustrated by this.

Many parents already have routines in place—consistent bedtimes, calming activities, limiting screens—yet bedtime can still feel like a challenge. Instead of searching for the perfect fix, this approach focuses on shifting how you engage with bedtime.

Okay, I wish I could hand you a magic wand that would instantly help your child drift off to sleep peacefully—believe me, I really do! I know how exhausting bedtime can be. While I don’t have a perfect solution, I can share some mindset shifts that might make the process feel a little smoother—something we can explore together as we help our children transition to sleep. Just know too you're not alone in this struggle!!!

Mindset Ideas - Something might fit you or not :)

1. Seeing Bedtime as an Investment

What can this time provide: mindset ideas:

• My presence at bedtime helps create a secure and calming routine.

• This is a phase, and I’m teaching her how to wind down and transition to sleep.

• Instead of fighting bedtime, I can establish consistency and structure.

• Yes, my child is stalling—they want connection, and that’s natural. But too much stimulation before bed can make it even harder for them to settle.

  • Instead of engaging in a power struggle, I can acknowledge their need for closeness while encouraging them to wind down and transition to sleep.

  • The goal here is to help reduce a reaction that spurs more anxiety for you while maintaining your bedtime rules.

    
    

Mantra for Hard Nights:

"This time matters. I’m helping create the foundation for restful sleep, and my presence is enough."

You don’t have to love bedtime or even look forward to it. Maybe the key isn’t expecting yourself to handle it perfectly, but simply accepting it for what it is in the moment—without letting it drain the last bit of energy you have left in the day.

If you’re the primary one handling bedtime, there may be nights when you need a little support. If you have a partner, consider asking them to step in for a 5-10 minute break on those especially long evenings

2. Letting Go of the Urgency to Fix Bedtime Right Now

It’s easy to think:

• I need to solve this so bedtime isn’t a struggle anymore.

• If this keeps happening, I’ll never get my evenings back.

  
  

Few mindset ideas, take a deep breath and zoom out:

• This is a gradual process. Changes happen over time.

• Even if I don’t see immediate progress, I am teaching skills that will help long-term.

• The more I approach bedtime with steadiness, the more my child learns to do the same.

  
  

Mindset shift before bedtime:

• “What is one way I can make bedtime feel smoother tonight?”

• “How can I lead bedtime with confidence and calm?”

  
  

3. Redefining Success So It Feels Less Like a Losing Battle

If success is defined as He falls asleep quickly and I get my time back, then bedtime often feels discouraging - or you may have a similar inner thought

Maybe, what if success were something in your control?

• Did I maintain a calm presence?

• Did I set clear expectations and follow through with them?

• Did I guide bedtime in a way that felt structured yet flexible?

• Did I create an environment that supports restful sleep?

  
  

  When bedtime isn’t measured by speed but by consistency and connection, it can feel much more manageable.

  
  

4. A Subtle Shift in Energy: Moving From "Controlling" to "Guiding"

When bedtime feels like something to force, it can be exhausting. Shifting your role from controlling to guiding can make a significant difference.

Instead of: “I need to get him to settle.”Try: “I am guiding him through a calming routine that encourages rest.”

Instead of: “I have to stay until she falls asleep.”Try: “I am offering reassurance while keeping bedtime structured and feels safe.”

Instead of: “Why is this taking so long?” Try: “This is part of his learning process, and I’m helping him build good sleep habits.”

Even small shifts in how you approach bedtime can make it feel more intentional and less overwhelming.

5. Holding Onto Your Own Identity During Bedtime

One of the hardest parts of bedtime is feeling like you lose yourself in the process. Here are ways to maintain a sense of self while being present:

• Engage in something enjoyable while sitting with your child. Read a book, listen to calming music, or take deep breaths.

• Create a personal bedtime ritual. A cozy blanket, a favorite tea, or gentle stretching can help signal that this is your time as well.

• Try creative activities. Use this time to doodle, write in a journal, or even create a SoulCollage® card that reflects your emotions and thoughts from the day.

• Incorporate mindful movement. Gentle yoga stretches, progressive muscle relaxation, or simple breathwork exercises can help you release tension while staying present.

• Set small boundaries for yourself. If your child needs company to fall asleep, decide what you also need to feel calm, such as a heavy blanket, sitting on the floor vs. the bed, listening to music with one headphone in your ear...etc....

• Find ways to decompress afterward. Even if it’s just 10 minutes of quiet time, journaling, or stretching, having a wind-down period for yourself can make a big difference.

• Remember, this is temporary. One day, bedtime will look very different. Your presence now helps create independent sleep habits later.

  
  

Practical Ways to Help Your Child Relax at Bedtime

While mindset shifts can make bedtime easier for you, practical strategies can also help your child settle down more smoothly:

• Dim the Lights Early: Start lowering lights about 45 minutes before bed to signal to the brain that it's time to wind down.

• Create a Predictable Routine: A consistent bedtime sequence—like bath, pajamas, book, and snuggles—helps your child feel secure and know what to expect.

• Deep Pressure Touch: A weighted blanket or firm hugs can help calm the nervous system.

• Breathing Together: Try slow, deep breathing with your child to help regulate their body.

• Soft Background Sound: White noise, soft music, or nature sounds can create a peaceful atmosphere.

• Headspace and Insight Timer have lullabies, music and calm bedtime stories for children

• Guided Imagery: Tell a calming story or visualize a peaceful place together.

• The Right Amount of Movement: Encourage active play earlier in the day but switch to slower, calming activities in the hour leading up to bedtime.

• Warmth and Comfort: A warm bath, cozy pajamas, or a favorite stuffed animal can offer extra reassurance.

• Choice and Control: Let your child pick between two pajamas or two books to give them a sense of autonomy.

• Mindful Transitions: Avoid abrupt bedtime shifts—gradually guide your child toward relaxation with softer voices, slower movements, and quiet connection time.

  
  

Small Shifts Make a Big Difference

This isn’t about making bedtime perfect—it’s about making it feel smoother and more intentional for both you and your child.

Your time matters, and so does your presence. Shifting your mindset won’t magically make bedtime easy, but it might make it feel a little less like a battle and more like a guided transition to rest. Let’s be real—it’s still hard. The goal isn’t to love every moment of the bedtime routine, but to navigate it in a way that feels good for you, while also showing up for yourself.

Reflection Question Before Bedtime:

“What’s one small thing I can adjust tonight to help bedtime go more smoothly?”

You are doing enough. You are enough. This is just a phase, and you are guiding your child through it with care and confidence. You got this!!