The New Year is often seen as a time for fresh starts and realignments. While change is always possible—no matter the month or season—there’s something symbolic about stepping into a new calendar year. It’s an opportunity to pause, reflect, and reset. One of the most meaningful areas to reflect on during this time is our relationships. Whether it’s with a partner, friends, or family, relationships shape so much of who we are and how we experience the world.
As we step into the New Year, I invite you to think about what you really want from your relationships and, most importantly, how you want to show up in them. Because here’s the truth: we can’t change other people. We can only focus on ourselves, our intentions, and the energy we bring to the table. This isn’t about resignation or giving up on connection; it’s about empowerment.
The Filters We All Carry
Every single one of us sees the world through a unique lens shaped by our past experiences, genetics, culture, and even trauma. These filters color how we interpret what’s said, what’s left unsaid, and how we respond to others. No one else sees the world exactly as you do. This can make communication and connection challenging at times—and honestly, that’s okay. Misunderstandings and miscommunications are inevitable. But the key to strong relationships isn’t about avoiding these moments; it’s about building trust, listening deeply, and committing to repair when things go off track.
To realign your relationships, it helps to hold onto this truth: your way of seeing the world is not necessarily the “right” way. Neither is theirs. We all carry multiple truths, and it’s in recognizing and respecting these differences that we find space for true connection.
What Do You Really Want?
Setting a relationship intention is about getting clear on who you are and how you want to engage with the people around you.
Realigning with your relationships starts with looking inward.
What do you value most in a relationship?
How do you want to feel when you’re with others?
How do you want to show up for the people in your life?
Here are some questions to reflect on, whether you’re evaluating your connection with a partner, friend, or family member:
General Reflection Questions
Before diving deeper into self-inquiry, it’s important to take a step back and reflect on the bigger picture. Here are some questions to help you connect with your values, intentions, and how you want to show up for yourself and others:
What are the core values that guide how you live your life? Are your actions and decisions aligned with those values?
How do you define success, not in terms of accomplishments, but in terms of how you feel about yourself and your choices?
How do you want others to feel when they are around you? Are your actions creating that energy?
What does being proud of yourself look like? What qualities or behaviors would make you feel this way?
When faced with challenges, how do you typically respond? Is this response aligned with the person you want to be?
Are there areas of your life where you feel disconnected from your authentic self? What might help you realign?
How do you create boundaries that honor your values while maintaining compassion for yourself and others?
In what ways do you currently prioritize your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being? What adjustments could deepen this commitment?
How do you approach forgiveness—for yourself and others? What might it look like to release old resentments?
Imagine your highest self a year from now. What advice or encouragement would that version of you offer today?
Internal Family Systems (IFS)-Inspired Reflection Questions
IFS work invites us to explore the different parts of ourselves with curiosity and compassion. As you reflect on how you want to align with your values and show up in life, consider these prompts:
What protective parts often take over when you feel vulnerable or challenged? How might you acknowledge and soothe them with compassion?
Are there shadow parts of you—traits or emotions you’ve disowned—that are asking for your attention? How can you listen to their story without judgment?
When you think about showing up as your best self, what parts of you feel resistant or afraid? What are they trying to protect?
What exiled (wounded) parts of you might need your presence and care to heal? What messages have they carried, and how can you offer them a different perspective?
How do your protective parts feel about setting boundaries? Are they acting out of fear or aligned with your highest self?
How often do you check in with your calm, compassionate Self-energy during interactions? What practices help you stay connected to this grounded place?
When you experience conflict, which parts of you tend to take over? How might you bring more awareness and balance to these situations?
Are there patterns in your relationships that feel out of alignment with your values? Which parts are driving these patterns, and what do they need from you?
What does healing mean to you in the context of your parts? How can you invite all parts of yourself to align with your core values and vision?
How can you nurture a deeper sense of Self-leadership, showing up for your parts with clarity, confidence, and compassion?
Moving Forward
As you meditate on these questions, remember that the goal isn’t to find a “right” answer but to bring awareness to your inner world. Relationships require effort, vulnerability, and a willingness to understand both yourself and the other person. This New Year, let’s focus on aligning our relationships with our truest selves. Let’s set intentions not for perfection but for authenticity, trust, and growth—both within ourselves and in how we connect with others.
You don’t have to wait for a calendar change to reflect and realign, but there’s no better time than now to step back, take a breath, and ask yourself:
Who do I want to be in my relationships, and how can I honor that intention moving forward?